Other Guy showed up at my home yesterday afternoon. Again, an innocent reason. He was bringing some music over for my daughter. Of course, it could have waited. He would have seen her on Sunday anyway. He came when the kids had just gotten home from school. I would not have opened the door to him if I had been here alone and think he knew that. I was upstairs and my daughter shouted up, "T****'s here!"

The situation was so bizarre I felt like I was in a movie instead of my own life. When I came downstairs, he was sitting at the kitchen table eating a piece of cake! My daughter served it to him. He sat there eating his cake talking to my kids! I really didn't know what to do. He probably stayed for an hour. My husband even came home from work while he was here!

Here's what I need some advice on. At this point, I think maybe I should talk to my husband about the situation. I'm not sure how much to tell him. At the very least, I want to tell him that I think Other Guy's behavior isn't innocent. The reason I think it would be a good idea to tell my husband is that he usually does not go to any of our band gigs with me. He just isn't interested, but I think it would be better all the way around if I wasn't alone with Other Guy right now.

I'm not worried about the big band that I'm with him. Three of my kids are also in that band and there are about 40 other people there, too. That shouldn't be a problem. In the other band, though, there are only 10 of us. We have a gig next Thursday night at a jazz club. We usually play a set, take about a 1/2 hour break, and then play another set. Typically, we set up and go get dinner before we play. That is a lot of down time. I think it would be best if my husband and I were together during the breaks. It's not like he would be the only spouse tagging along.

Quitting the little band is not an option. It would be impossible to join another band. We are a popular local band, and as far as I know, there isn't another band like ours out there in my area looking for a lead sax player. This is what I love to do, but I am determined not to let this mess destroy my marriage.

I believe that this is a giant hurdle to cross, but I think things will get sorted out. Other Guy isn't crazy. I think he's hurt, and I think he is convinced that he and I can continue to be "best friends" without it hurting my marriage. I know that isn't possible. If anything good has come of this, I now realize that what I am trying to do is the right thing. Other Guy's behavior over the last few days has made me see a side of him that isn't so charming and caring. I think I was one huge ego trip for him! Like a puppy dog following him around!

So any advice on how much/what to tell my husband? Should I even bring him in on this at all or handle it on my own?

By the way, things continue to improve between us. I had a meeting last night and returned home around 9:30. The kids were showered and in their rooms and the house was picked up. He even told me that he missed me while I was gone!! It was really nice and we sat together and actually talked.